The One Where I Let Go

One of my favourite 'teachers' if you will as of this year has been a man called Elliot Hulse, check out his Youtube channel (http://www.youtube.com/user/elliottsaidwhat) as well as his website and mailing list. Apart from many reasons he has been a major influence in how I think and behave as of late. Moving from my former very shy self who would not two words to anyone, into a person who says what he thinks as well as engages with other people, even if they are new.

Although some of the old traits do hold true sometimes, for the most part I try my best to be the person I want to be rather than the person I once was. With this being said recently I came into a time were I didn't really feel 'good enough'. This was sparked by the ending of a recent relationship, it wasn't a long relationship by any means, however the manor in which things 'ended' left me feeling this level on unease and lack of worth. Although this man not have been the case, it was evident that this was how I felt.

For period of time, it got me thinking as to what exactly I needed to do to be 'worth' someones attention and why for now at least I couldn't get it. There was a longing in myself to find out why, regardless of what I would find the answer to be, it seemed relentless.

I started asking my friends and family why I wasn't good enough, what I had done wrong. Like all family and friends of course, they said I had done nothing wrong and that I shouldn't fix myself since I was fine how I was. That being said, it still didn't answer the question burning away in my mind.

Yet, after watching some of Elliot's videos and turning upon myself for what would be described as a form of self reflection, I came to realise, what I had done was, be myself! The person I was, am, wasn't 'not good enough' for anyone, it was more the situation was wrong, I had done nothing wrong. Even though my friends and family had told me this, it took the time for myself to look inward and reflect on the situation that was at hand. I won't lie and say that I feel 100% better about myself, because I don't, however what i would say, is that when facing situations like this, reflect inward upon yourself for a few days, seek wise words from people like Elliot Hulse who look for was not to blame ourselves, but ways in which we can strengthen our character, ourselves.

This is what I've set out to achieve over the course of these past ten months, to become the person i want to be and the person I deserve myself to be. Those negative thoughts and feelings which caused me to have some serious migraines and crippling mental pain are things I have shed, i accepted them for what they were and moved past and let go. To those who are in that place i was, i would advise them to do the same, read articles and watch videos like Elliot's and learn to not be who you are expected to be, but the most firm and strong person you want to be.

The One About Having Friends

A blog or two ago, I talked about how music can massively effect how our moods change and develop.  Well, this one shall be how we can always looks to those closest to us for help and advice in situations we would otherwise find ourselves to be helpless or lost.

I'm glad I can say I have a handful of people who I consider to be my close friends, two in particular who stand out, which would help me in difficult situations. Sometimes we never understand fully how much we need and cherish our friends until they prove themselves to be supportive and kind.

In friends we find ourselves and how we can better our character and strength our qualities through advice, criticism and praise. A fact was raised to myself the other day, it was stated that a person will have three to five 'best friends' at any one time. Looking at this, to some degree this is true, however the level of I guess 'best-friend-ness' can be quite large in some aspects, or at least, this is what I find to be true myself.

Moving to another point I realised as of late, I believe myself to be a kind person, though I have some trust issues, for the most part I give people the benefit of the doubt and give everyone a chance to prove themselves without casting doubt. However, in recent times I found myself being tested and pushed with my ability to do this, so in light of this I decided for the benefit of myself to change how I approach this situation. As before, I will give a person the benefit and for the most part trust them, however the level of kindness and selflessness put forward will only be matched by that which is given.

As the saying goes, trust is earned, perhaps more qualities should be measured on this same sentiment. This is something that will be tested, as by nature I am generally inclined to be trusting without knowing if I should or not.