The One Where I Let Go

One of my favourite 'teachers' if you will as of this year has been a man called Elliot Hulse, check out his Youtube channel (http://www.youtube.com/user/elliottsaidwhat) as well as his website and mailing list. Apart from many reasons he has been a major influence in how I think and behave as of late. Moving from my former very shy self who would not two words to anyone, into a person who says what he thinks as well as engages with other people, even if they are new.

Although some of the old traits do hold true sometimes, for the most part I try my best to be the person I want to be rather than the person I once was. With this being said recently I came into a time were I didn't really feel 'good enough'. This was sparked by the ending of a recent relationship, it wasn't a long relationship by any means, however the manor in which things 'ended' left me feeling this level on unease and lack of worth. Although this man not have been the case, it was evident that this was how I felt.

For period of time, it got me thinking as to what exactly I needed to do to be 'worth' someones attention and why for now at least I couldn't get it. There was a longing in myself to find out why, regardless of what I would find the answer to be, it seemed relentless.

I started asking my friends and family why I wasn't good enough, what I had done wrong. Like all family and friends of course, they said I had done nothing wrong and that I shouldn't fix myself since I was fine how I was. That being said, it still didn't answer the question burning away in my mind.

Yet, after watching some of Elliot's videos and turning upon myself for what would be described as a form of self reflection, I came to realise, what I had done was, be myself! The person I was, am, wasn't 'not good enough' for anyone, it was more the situation was wrong, I had done nothing wrong. Even though my friends and family had told me this, it took the time for myself to look inward and reflect on the situation that was at hand. I won't lie and say that I feel 100% better about myself, because I don't, however what i would say, is that when facing situations like this, reflect inward upon yourself for a few days, seek wise words from people like Elliot Hulse who look for was not to blame ourselves, but ways in which we can strengthen our character, ourselves.

This is what I've set out to achieve over the course of these past ten months, to become the person i want to be and the person I deserve myself to be. Those negative thoughts and feelings which caused me to have some serious migraines and crippling mental pain are things I have shed, i accepted them for what they were and moved past and let go. To those who are in that place i was, i would advise them to do the same, read articles and watch videos like Elliot's and learn to not be who you are expected to be, but the most firm and strong person you want to be.

The One About Having Friends

A blog or two ago, I talked about how music can massively effect how our moods change and develop.  Well, this one shall be how we can always looks to those closest to us for help and advice in situations we would otherwise find ourselves to be helpless or lost.

I'm glad I can say I have a handful of people who I consider to be my close friends, two in particular who stand out, which would help me in difficult situations. Sometimes we never understand fully how much we need and cherish our friends until they prove themselves to be supportive and kind.

In friends we find ourselves and how we can better our character and strength our qualities through advice, criticism and praise. A fact was raised to myself the other day, it was stated that a person will have three to five 'best friends' at any one time. Looking at this, to some degree this is true, however the level of I guess 'best-friend-ness' can be quite large in some aspects, or at least, this is what I find to be true myself.

Moving to another point I realised as of late, I believe myself to be a kind person, though I have some trust issues, for the most part I give people the benefit of the doubt and give everyone a chance to prove themselves without casting doubt. However, in recent times I found myself being tested and pushed with my ability to do this, so in light of this I decided for the benefit of myself to change how I approach this situation. As before, I will give a person the benefit and for the most part trust them, however the level of kindness and selflessness put forward will only be matched by that which is given.

As the saying goes, trust is earned, perhaps more qualities should be measured on this same sentiment. This is something that will be tested, as by nature I am generally inclined to be trusting without knowing if I should or not.

The One About Sharing and Caring

We are always told to share with friends and family and car for one another. For the most part I would always agree with this statement, but what if you share knowledge of something you love dearly and had taken you many hours, weeks and months of study, for the end result is to be ignored and brushed off. What do we do? Do we keep being persistent in our help for those people in the hopes they may realise what you are saying is for their benefit or do you give up and accept that maybe they don't want the help.

I believe when you share knowledge and time with someone who asks for it and they respond in kind with open ears and minds these are the people you should bring into your love of whatever that thing is. If this love is not reproduced or taken in mind then move on from that person. In the end they are not your responsibility when it comes to share passions, everyone is different and have different lives and lifestyles. Opinions and likes are personal and as such not all are shared equally.

This is a thought that has came to me recently as I grow and share my love for certain things. Embrace those who love what you do, and for this that don't, there are other things that can be shared.

The One About Music

It seems to me regardless of how you feel or what your are doing, nothing can shape your mood quite like music does. Though I say this as if no-one else has thought about this, when in fact it's safe to safe almost everybody who enjoys music has at some point had this thought. The question is why does it change out moods so deeply and effect us so much. We can all relate the moments of utter euphoria or saddened endured by the likes of certain lyrics or melodies in whatever song was on at the one.

With his in mind, I am surprised at how many people aren't Playing an instrument or are involved in music in some form be that creatively or just at a gig. They say those who can play an instrument are supposedly more intelligent than most. I don't believe myself, I think of it as those who write music can tap into something others can feel and not expressive in the way they so wish.

This is just my thoughts as music currently distracts me from a very intensive and stressful conversation I had previous.

The One About The Gym Thing

A Little History of Me!

We all have our little loves and hobbies that for the most part characterise ourselves as people, and fit us in those niches that the world seems to like to do. For me that would be the gym, by which I mean that very stereotypical place were big surely gentlemen sweat and shout as they reach into the depth of their sacks to eat each other at pushing some phenomenal weight.

Regardless of it's very 'macho' mystique, of which I do not fall into the category of 'macho' in anyway shape or form, I still find the place some what of a second home. Initially, the thought of physical exercise like most people sent cold shivers and the usual *sigh* "Do I have to?" flying out of my mouth. I was the tiny little 'nerdy' guy in the group of friends that if asked to throw a ball, wasn't for any reason other than, lets watch this guy throw a ball it's rather hilarious. Though, thinking about it now, I still can't throw a ball with any discernible aim to technique that would turn heads in awe and amazement. We can't have everything now can we?

However, after watching a martial arts movies (cliche' I know!) my friends and I decided, "Hey, we can do that!" And we did just that, at least they did for a short while, after which I continued training with strangers. After a while those strangers become some of the best training partners I've had, and from them I learnt so much in the way of self discipline that helps me so much even now.

Alas after some time and some change of heart, coupled with that fact I became a big boy and decided to move, I left the world of Kickboxing and moved onto something that was always a desire. Weightlifting, and becoming one 'swole' son of a gun! I started of as a small guy weighting in at 135pounds, me and my twin brother braved the place with all the giant men, who would stare us down in the street, trained to become so giant.

So, for the past ten or so months, I've been learning and re-learning all the techniques, moves, nutrition habits to actually try and get some sort of size on my little skinny boy self. And to say the least I think I've been doing something right, as of now I at 155pounds, a whole 20pounds more than I started at! I can't complain right? There have been ups and downs and mistakes were made along the way, but I can safely say I'm heading on the right track now with all things gym gym gymy gym!

So chances are, I will be posting my thoughts on certain aspects of training and developing as a fitness enthusiast, regardless who will read them or take note of anything I say.

There Comes A Time...

When quite frankly you think, perhaps the thoughts in my head are also shared by others around the world, those you know and those you don't, so why not write them down (or in this case type) and see how many people agree/disagree with what you have to say.

So, I suppose this is exactly what this 'blog' is about, however, how many people will read this I do not know, or if anyone at all. Those that do will no doubt be friends i've pestered or people who have aimlessly clicked a link to this post because of the sheer boredom that faces them as they thumb throw what can only be described as an endless river of disappointed people on Facebook and Twitter. Which leads me nicely into what these Blogs will be about... Yes I may post some rather incessant 'twist' but hey, who doesn't like a good old fashion twist hmm. On the other hand, sometimes twisting can be pretty boring, so perhaps I shall post some interesting things about my day or travels, which consist of band practice and the gym!

Hopefully, at some point these blogs will grow in number and hopefully interest to those other than myself. As well as that, maybe they will start to look more appealing should I learn how to work the complex confusing nature that is HTML!!! Also, I would imagine as time goes by, my use of correct English grammar and myself not being the linguistic genius I wish I could be, will lead to some rather slang filled, swear word ridden mess of words that will lay before you!

All in all, hopefully I can make this an interesting thing for myself and which ever poor soul decides to cast their eyes onto this pages, and entered the warped and weird world that is my consciousness. Until then, Ciao.